By: Danica Joan Dockery, M.Ed

Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster, one that can completely upend your life and leave you feeling like a mere shadow of your former self. The intense range of emotions experienced during this challenging period can cloud your judgment, alter your behavior, and make it difficult to feel like yourself. It’s important to acknowledge that these changes are temporary and part of the healing process. In this blog post, we’ll explore the turbulent journey of divorce and the transformative effect it can have on your life.

The “Before and After” Life Event:

Divorce is often seen as a definitive “before and after” life event. The life you once knew and the future you had envisioned suddenly come crashing down, leaving you feeling lost and disconnected. It’s crucial to recognize that this sense of disorientation is a natural response to the trauma and upheaval divorce brings. The emotional intensity can cloud your thoughts and hinder your decision-making abilities. During this phase, it’s vital to be patient with yourself and allow time for healing.

The Extremes of Emotion:

Divorce elicits a wide range of emotions, from anger and sadness to guilt and confusion. These emotions can be overwhelming and fluctuate unpredictably, leading to a state of emotional instability. It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, swinging between moments of despair and flashes of anger. This heightened emotional state can make it challenging to think clearly or make rational decisions. It’s essential to surround yourself with a support system of friends, family, or even a therapist who can provide guidance and help you process your emotions.

The “Not Quite Yourself” Phase:

As you navigate the divorce process, it’s common to notice changes in your behavior, thought patterns, and overall demeanor. You may find yourself acting in ways that seem out of character, or your usual coping mechanisms may no longer be effective. It’s crucial to remember that these changes are temporary and a result of the extreme emotional turmoil you are experiencing. Divorce can push us to our limits, testing our resilience and challenging our self-identity. Acknowledging these changes and understanding that they are part of the healing process can help you regain a sense of control and self-awareness.

Finding Yourself Amidst the Chaos:

While divorce can leave you feeling like you’ve lost a part of yourself, it can also be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Embrace the journey of finding yourself amidst the chaos and consider it as a chance to redefine your life on your own terms. Explore new hobbies, reconnect with old friends, and invest time in self-care. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment can help rebuild your confidence and reestablish a sense of identity.

Moving Forward:

Recovering from the emotional fallout of divorce takes time, patience, and self-compassion. Recognize that healing is not linear, and there may be setbacks along the way. Allow yourself the space to grieve the loss of your marriage and embrace the process of rebuilding your life. Seek professional help if needed, as therapy can provide valuable support during this transformative period. Remember that you are not alone, and countless others have walked this path before you, emerging stronger and more resilient.

In conclusion, divorce is undoubtedly one of life’s most challenging experiences, uprooting your sense of self and leaving you in a state of emotional disarray. However, it’s crucial to remember that this tumultuous phase is temporary. As you navigate the extremes of emotion and endure the “not quite yourself” phase, stay focused on your healing journey. Embrace the opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery that divorce can bring. In time, you will emerge from this transformative process stronger, wiser, and ready to embrace a new chapter in your life.


Danica Joan Dockery is a certified family mediator, anger management/domestic violence specialist and co-parenting expert, the author of “A Happy Child Co-Parenting Course” a court ordered family stabilization course for parents who are navigating the challenges of co-parenting after a breakup. She is also the founder of Kids Need Both, Inc and co-creator of the platform, a collaborative community that provides education, support and resources to families.